After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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