it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Text me some of your sweat
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize