I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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