At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
