I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
