Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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