Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
