You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
