Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
