if you like me you must not know who I am
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
