O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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