she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
