i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He? As in you personified your dick?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
