there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
please come you make the beer taste better
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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