I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
if only i could text you this smell
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
