we have officially lost it.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
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how do you play pong handcuffed?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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The power of my boobs compel you
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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