i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
home. puking in laundry basket.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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