all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
