so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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