Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
