If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
