it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
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as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
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I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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