please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
