we're chasing vodka with high fives
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
