tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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