Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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