I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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