You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
