Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
