i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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