but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
