they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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