what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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