You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
