Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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