I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
