the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
