he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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