Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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