PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
