there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
