I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
