I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
