God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Is it because I queefed?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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