i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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