i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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