non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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