***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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