How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You made out with two different species that night
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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