I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
