everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
