i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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