My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
