I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
