god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
