The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
