i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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