So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize