You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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