all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
