I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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