I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
