You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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