If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
