it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
