I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
