Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
