with your own penis?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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